


Realizations

by writingpancake



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Reader Insert, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 20:29:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingpancake/pseuds/writingpancake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader Insert story in which the reader waits for Snap to come home after the battle at Starkiller Base.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realizations

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've written and published in about ten years. It's also my first reader insert fic. It felt right writing this as a Snap Wexley story because he's the first character in a long time that's elicited a strong enough reaction from me to want to write again.

Stepping out into the crowd of Resistance personnel, you tried to not let the laughs and shouts and tears of relief overwhelm you. You closed your eyes and took a steadying breath to refocus your thoughts. You’d opted to stay outside with your eyes on the sky instead of listening to the comm chatter during the battle. A part of you felt it would be better to hear about his death from someone living rather than hearing it yourself. You’re not so sure of your decision now. If you had been in the room you might have had the opportunity to say something to him. You could have told him how much you appreciated all he had done for you; how the well of gratitude for him and his actions had been growing for all these months you’d spent together; how your feelings of gratitude had evolved into something deeper and far more intimate. But that opportunity had passed and now you were surrounded by hundreds of celebrators and could no longer see the horizon from where the X-Wings would be approaching. 

The burden of not knowing who among the pilots would be returning from the battle at Starkiller Base was taxing on your emotions, but you were no longer sure you wanted to hear it from anybody else. You’d prefer to see his fighter in the hangar, awaiting repairs as his battle droid Mister Bones ordered the astromech to share the details of the mission. Or, if he hadn’t survived the battle, you’d rather hear it directly from someone in his squadron. 

Your ears were met with the distant hum of the X- Wings returning to base. The crowd was slow to react to the homecoming, but soon the applause drowned out the engines as the pilots made their descent toward the landing strip. You couldn’t see over the sea of heads and, thus, couldn’t see if his bird was one of the lucky ones to make it home. Navigating the throng was difficult enough before, but now everyone was surging toward the hangars with you and you couldn’t quell the rising sense of dread. 

The sea of bodies carried toward your desired destination and for that you were grateful because you weren’t sure you could have convinced yourself to walk the remaining distance. You were jostled and patted on the shoulder by people in the crowd as the negative thoughts invaded your mind.

‘I should have said something before he left. I had the time and the opportunity.’ You swallowed the lump in your throat.

It suddenly got very difficult to breathe. Between the growing panic and desperation, plus the surrounding mass of Resistance personnel, you couldn’t draw enough breath to calm yourself down. The urge to push through the crowd and flee to a quiet and secluded place was overwhelming. But, just as the thought crossed your mind, the top of an X-Wing came into view. 

You were, quite suddenly, filled with a motivation you couldn’t describe. Grabbing ahold of shoulders and other limbs you could reach, you pulled yourself through the dense gathering of people. Familiar faces of mechanics started appearing and you could feel their hands on you as they helped propel you toward the hangars. You silently thanked them because you knew they must have been experiencing the same concern over their pilot friends as you were. But there must have been something else playing across your face, because they had a certain degree of sympathy in their expressions.

You’re not sure how or when it happened, but the crowd suddenly thinned and there was finally open space around you. The view to the hangars was clear and you could see members of Blue Squadron descending their ladders. As the pilots’ boots hit the pavement, the universe slowed down. The burst of manic energy you’d been riding just a few moments before had dissipated and you were left scanning the squadrons from where you stood. Your heart sank into your stomach when you didn’t see the man you’d been waiting for. 

‘He didn’t make it.’ The thought hit you harder than anything you’d ever felt. ‘He didn’t make it.’

Your shoulders sagged and an emptiness settled in your gut. You’d grown accustomed to regret, but nothing compared to this. This regret was your own making and nothing you did for the remainder of your life would rectify it. You could feel your body folding in on itself as the realization sank deep into your soul. 

“MASTER TEMMIN.”

The loud warbling voice of the B1 battle droid echoed through the hangar and startled you into standing straight. You felt a pang of sympathy for the droid seeking its master, but at least you would have company in your grief.

“WHERE IS MASTER TEMMIN?”

The pilot Jess Pava approached the droid. “He’s in the Medical Wing, Mister Bones,” she said. “Finn was badly hurt on the mission and Snap didn’t want Poe to be alone.” Jess boldly put her hand on the droid as it started in the direction of medical. “Why don’t you touch base with Snap’s astromech and get details on the mission?”

Mister Bones paused a moment and seemed to consider her proposal. 

“ROGER ROGER.”

The black and red battle droid changed direction and headed into the hangar to interrogate a hapless astromech about the battle. As you watched Mister Bones cross in front of you, your gaze locked with Jess. She gave a curt nod before turning to talk with the other pilots. You needed no other indication to set off in the direction of the Med Wing. You kept a brisk pace and weaved easily through the now thinning crowd. You could hear the celebrations continuing behind you, but you paid very little attention to them.

Pavement changed to tile as you crossed the threshold into the building. Hallways melted into each other and voices faded to the back of your consciousness. You were so focused on getting to the clinic that you hardly noticed when you stepped into the main waiting area. It was there that you saw him.

Even with the slight slump in his shoulders, Snap Wexley stood taller than most. His helmet was tucked beneath his arm and his flight suit was partially unzipped, revealing his undershirt. Snap looked lost in thought but his eyes came back into focus when he noticed you. A small smile appeared on his lips and you could feel one forming on yours.

“Hey.”

He spoke quietly, though the room was close to empty. 

“Hey.” Your body was wound tight, like a coil ready to spring. “I overheard Jess tell Mister Bones you were here with Poe.”

The smile fell from his face as he looked toward the patient area. “Yeah. Poe went with Finn and the doctors.” A shadow fell over his usually amiable face. “Finn was injured pretty badly. Poe looked like he was going to lose himself with worry. I didn’t want to leave him alone.” Snap looked back to you. “I’m sorry.”

The apology confused you, but somehow also settled your nerves. You felt some of the tension in your body leave.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“Yeah there is,” he said as he turned to face you. “I should have found you first to let you know I’d gotten back.”

Your stomach did a small flip and your cheeks grew a bit warmer. “You’ve been friends with Poe a lot longer than you’ve been with me. I’m not going to cast aspersions when you want to make sure your friends are going to be okay after a trauma.”

Snap stepped closer and dipped his head. It was something he’d done before and you suspect it was because he was so much bigger than you. In his unconscious way, he wanted to make sure you were comfortable and not intimidated by his impressive height. He took a small breath before speaking.

“I know our relationship isn’t traditional, but we do have one. We’ve both kept some distance since it started, I guess because we weren’t sure of what exactly it was we had, but...” He paused trying to find the right words. “I should have looked for you. I should have commed as we were heading back so someone could have let you know I was coming home.”

The shadow in his eyes grew darker and you knew that not finding you immediately upon his return wasn’t the only thing weighing on him.

“You need to rest.” You felt your hand reach for his and your fingers brushed his palm. “Poe is with Finn. I doubt he’ll want to leave anytime soon.”

“She’s right,” Dr. Kalonia interjected from the doorway. Neither you or Snap had noticed her entrance. “Finn is out of danger. Poe and Rey are by his side. All is well, for now.” A calmness emanated from her and you felt Snap relax. When she spoke next, she addressed you. “Take Temmin to his quarters to rest. He’s fought a difficult battle today and, as a doctor, I’m ordering him to decompress in his quarters.”

You nodded and closed your hand around his. A small tug is all it took to get him walking. The two of you traveled to the officers’ barracks in silence. A few Resistance personnel greeted Snap with pats on the back and salutes, but he only smiled and nodded in response. By the time the doors to his quarters closed behind you, he seemed to have lost inches off his height. You watched his slouched figure move about the room, putting his helmet on a table and unzipping his suit all the way. He didn’t seem to mind that you watched him peel off his outermost layer and throw it haphazardly on a chair. Clad only in his undershirt and boxers Snap dropped heavily on his mattress and it sagged beneath the sudden weight. His elbows were propped on his knees and his head was in his hands. You stayed on the other side of the room, not wanting to interrupt his reverie. It was several moments before he spoke.

“I’m supposed to be the best recon pilot in the resistance. But the First Order knew we were coming and they were ready. We lost so many of our pilots. We lost friends.” He pushed his hands through his hair and stared at the ground. “And it was my fault.”

You managed to hide the violent jerk you felt move through your body. “Snap.”

“No, don’t do that. It was my fault. They knew about our attack ahead of time because I wasn’t careful enough. My mistake cost people’s lives.” You heard the quiet sniff from across the room and moved to stand in front of him.

Though the two of you had never been physically affectionate with each other, you brought your hand up and brushed your fingers along his cheekbone. 

“Temmin.”

He finally cast his eyes up and you could see they were red around the edges. You moved your fingers through his hair and back behind his ear, coming to rest your hand on his jaw.

“Your reconnaissance helped rid the galaxy of a super weapon. The First Order may still be a threat, but the fear people had has dwindled some because of your actions.” You drew your thumb across his cheek. “The pilots knew what they were fighting to stop. Don’t blame yourself for their deaths. Honor their memory by living on and helping rid the galaxy of fear.” You dropped your head and rested your forehead against his. “Like you helped me,” you whispered.

His hand came to rest on your cheek and the warmth of his palm permeated through your body. Putting your other hand on the back of his neck, you pulled yourself closer to him. His arm snaked around your waist and pulled you up to straddle his lap. You were so close to him that his lips brushed yours when he whispered, “Gods, I love you.”

Your breath hitched and your grip on him tightened. You feared pulling away because he would see your face. He would see what those words meant and how they affected you. So you clung to him and nodded slightly, hoping that would be enough to let him know you reciprocated.


End file.
